Midnight Oil

I can’t sleep again. I’ve been having bouts of insomnia most of the year, although the last few weeks I’ve gotten it under control and only had a few sleepless nights. I do sleep, but I end up not falling asleep until nearly 4 a.m. It seems to be mostly stress related, but my failed attempt at NaNo seems to have nixed the insomnia. Mostly. So it wasn’t a failed attempt, not really. I decided to quit because a) I was falling behind and did not need more stress on top of existing work stress, and b) I decided that the NaNo project could wait because I have other projects in front of it.

It’s not that I didn’t want to do it. I want to do all the damn projects, which is my downfall. There’s only so much of me to go around, so I need to be a bit more selective about taking on assignments. I have a pretty good capacity for work, but I start to get balky when I push myself too far, and I was showing the signs of impending crabbiness and the “deer in the headlights” mentality I get when I have too much to do.

Speaking of too much, I adjusted my daily step goal down from 10,000 steps to 7,000 steps. My reasoning was that I wasn’t reaching the 10K mark very often, and so, let’s say I was at 4,000 steps or so, I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to reach my goal. I was building a lot of negative expectations for myself, and something needed to change. By shifting the goal down to something that is just a little out of reach, rather than in the next county, I’ve put that goal back in my sights. I’m into the second or third week of reaching my step goal. Not every day, but I did have a five-day streak and I’ve been meeting it three or more times a week. That’s an improvement. Things take time, so I’m going to keep working with the 7K goal for a month, maybe two, until it’s so routine I don’t even think about it. Then I’ll start building up again.